Do You Want Happiness?  Take A Look Inside.

By Tim O’Brien

When will you be happy? Have you ever thought about that?  Have you ever answered it by saying, “As soon as I have more money, a better job or a better relationship, then I’ll be happy”?

When we believe that outer acquisitions, circumstances or other people determine our happiness, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Psychologists call this an “external locus (or place) of control.” There are too many external variables to arrange a perfect world. Frustration and discouragement are part of the fabric in our perpetually changing outer world. 

“When we recognize that nothing has to go right for us to be happy, and that people don’t have to behave for us to love them, our walk home can become surprisingly simple.”

---Hugh Prather.

This quote offers us an alternative for developing happiness. It suggests that we have an “internal locus of control.”  Psychological research agrees with Prather. When our happiness depends on our internal acceptances and expectations, it becomes independent of others and portable. It travels with us. We don’t leave it behind when we leave a city, a job, or loved ones.

The keys to developing happiness based on inner --- rather than outer --- criteria are intimate self awareness and self acceptance. When we know ourselves well, we understand our strengths and act to make them stronger. We also recognize, admit and work to improve our weaknesses and to drop addictive or destructive behavior.

Self acceptance gives us breathing room. It allows us reasonable time limits for accomplishing planned changes. With self acceptance, we don’t have to fix a quirk or perceived personality flaw today, this minute, right now!   Self acceptance also allows us to look into the mirror and say, “Sure, I’ve got a few parts of me to work on. Overall though, I’m a good person.  I like myself, and I’m improving everyday.”

As long as we are basically good people and do work to improve in some way each day, our subconscious will accept this type of positive self-talk. Accurate self-awareness and unconditional self-acceptance allow us to have an overall, positive self-concept, which is the combination of our sense of self-worth, self-image and self-esteem. When we like ourselves, we treat ourselves well. We feel good about ourselves. All of these build a progressively positive and reinforcing attitude of “can do,” rather than maybe.

When we work to develop our self-awareness, we sometimes hit stumbling blocks; situations that present challenges to us, like memories of past failures or disappointments. Some of these situations might be beyond our ability to resolve quickly by ourselves. If this happens, the answer is to seek professional help in the required area: spiritual, mental, emotional, physical or financial.  There is no need to go it alone: Good help is available.

When will we be happy? When we allow ourselves to be.