Stress Management & Performance Improvement Articles

"This is my final column." I wrote those words on June 19, 1994. I changed my mind and have written more than 300 articles since then. Now, on May 9, 2007, I actually mean it. This is my final article for this column.

Knowing that this is it, what would I like to say in parting? Thank you, to all readers reading now, and those who read in the past. Thank you, to the West Coast critic who wrote to tell me, I was illiterate because of a typographical error. Thank you, to the woman who wrote and told me, I must be a man because I wrote an article about problem drinking and only men had problems with alcohol.

Thank you, to the Midwest manager who wrote me twice. He was the only person to do that. He told me how often I made him mad. Sometimes when he'd read one of my articles he said he knew I was right and got mad that he had to change. Thank you, to the people who wrote to say they agreed with me. Thank you, to those who wrote to disagree energetically with me. Thank you, to those who said I made them laugh.

Mostly, thank you, to those who said I made them think. Those letters and emails served as inspiration and motivation to continue writing. Our intellects, the agents of our Consciousness are what separate us from the beasts. Our minds can and do create all the good parts of the world. They also can and do create what appears evil. However, I am a firm believer in the evolution of Consciousness. And, I believe that the bad receives the publicity, while the good continues to change the world in positive ways.

This column began as a Stress Management column. It evolved into a Life Styles column about any subject I could write 550 coherent words about. It evolved further into a forum for me to express and explain performance improvement techniques.

So, what final thoughts do I have to share? Be at peace with yourself based on high moral and ethical standards and the happiness you experience can be profound. Take control and responsibility for your Life. Approach everything you do in a systematic way. This will allow you to perfect what you do well. And, it will help you recognize what impedes you. Have fun living. Everyday I wake up happy about all the options and opportunities I have. Use self discipline and self control to limit those options to the ones that will give you the most fulfillment and satisfaction. Have a personal mission statement that will help guide you as you travel on your way to awakening. My mission statement is nine words long: Love God, relax, be happy and help other people.

Here are a few ideas about Life. What can you add? What do you agree with? What do you disagree with?

1. Exercise is the rent we pay for our bodies.
   
2. Attitude is the investment we make in our future experiences.
   
3. Perseverance is proof of understanding the process of creation and success.
   
4. Happiness is the exuded internal energy of self reliance and self acceptance.
   
5. Problems are evidence of ignorance, ego or an unwillingness to participate in the evolutionary process.
   
6. Silence and solitude are the environment of creativity and wisdom.
   
7. Enthusiasm is gratitude for Life in action.
   
8. Preconceptions and opinions severely restrict our ability to be innovative.
   
9. Self esteem based on past accomplishments is a strong base for a fulfilling life.
   
10. We are responsible for ourselves, no one else. Accept this and you have the potential to become successful. Ignore or deny this and you will always wonder why life doesn't "go your way."
    
11. Werner Erhart is correct. Insanity is "repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result." Realistically look at the experiences and relationships in your life.
    
12. When a situation, business or relationship has reached its logical end, release it and move on.
    
13. Strong attachments to people, places, groups or ideas make us rigid and dogmatic.
    
14. When in doubt don't.
    
15. Be careful not to confuse doubt with procrastination and fear.
    
16. Live your beliefs more than you talk about them. People will notice if you're special, you don’t have to tell them.
17. If you must talk about something often and at length, you are still hoping to convince yourself of its worth too.
    
18. When confused or out of options, consider how other groups, professions or cultures would approach what has stumped you.
    
19. Complexity is often the shield used by the ignorant: the tax code.
    
20. Simplicity reveals the understanding of the brilliant: E=mc².
    
21. It is sadly true that many people only find worth in direct proportion to how much they have paid for something.
    
22. When you look outwardly to externals for meaning, you will never find happiness.
    
23. Internal peace is eternal peace.
    
24. Do not engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
    
25. Don't confuse activity with accomplishment.
    
26. Don't confuse effectiveness and efficiency.
    
27. Self discipline is will power. Self control is won't power. They are not the same. Self control is more difficult.
    
28. Opportunity often comes wrapped in strange packaging. Be careful what you discount, deny or discard.
    
29. Take time to smell the roses, but check for bees.
30. Beware of slogans and clichés.

"Energy and persistence conquer all things," Benjamin Franklin, a fellow left-hander. "Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent," Calvin Coolidge, former President of the U.S. "Courage and persistence are the key to success," Brian Tracy, author and trainer. I believe many would agree with these three quotes. Some will agree because one author is Ben Franklin or another a former President. Some will agree because the sentences sound or look good to them. Others will likely agree because they state what they have experienced. Let’s look at their common word, persistence, from several angles. Let's see if we can turn the clichés into a workable model for personal performance improvement?

What do you think of when you read the words energy, courage and determination? The stamina to work long hours? The fortitude to stay committed to your beliefs? The ability to think of ideas and options? And, the mental attitude to continue until you experience success?

What do you think of when you read the word persistence? The ability to endure over time? The ability to stay focused on a project or goal? Does it even imply a hint of consistency over time?

How can we transform these words from the statements, into a tool for self improvement? Here are six suggestions to get you thinking about it.

1. What are examples in your life where you were very persistent? Can you think of both positive and negative examples? Are there positive examples of times when your persistence paid off? Or, times when you later realized your persistence was actually a reluctance to admit a poor decision or stubbornness?
2. What are some examples of times in your life when you quit before realizing your goals? Did you ever feel later, if you'd only continued a little longer, you would have reached your goal and realized your dream? 
3. What are some areas of your life right now that you feel would benefit from consistent, focused, persistent effort? Think of each major area of your life. See if you can develop a list of where persistence would help you now, in each of those areas.
4. Write a letter to yourself reminding you of times when your persistence misguided you and write the reasons why. List times when your persistence actually worked against you and your real intentions. Keep this letter available and read it whenever you feel your momentum toward your goals has slowed or stopped. Make sure that you have not gotten in your own way.
5. Print these three quotes, or other similar quotes, that will help inspire and direct you. Keep a copy of them on your desk, both at work and at home. Post a copy of them on the refrigerator or near the phone. Place them wherever you'll see them. Read them often and allow their inspiration to motivate you.
6. Finally, I believe the most important ways to remain persistent and dedicated are: have clear dreams and aspirations. Know specifically what you want. Have a systematic plan to realize those goals and dreams. Then, I've found that the persistence takes care of itself.

NO Goosebumps! I had nibbled on the nape of my wife's neck, knowing what her response would be. "No Goosebumps?" I feigned surprise. "What would life be without goosebumps?" She giggled. I thought, that was a good line. There must be an article in it somewhere. So, I propose: what WOULD life be without goosebumps? I'll go first, then, after you read this article, it will be your turn.

Boring is the first word that comes to my mind in a world without goosebumps. I don't get them every day, or even every week, but I'll bet I average more than once a month.

The biggest set of goosebumps I ever experienced was when I saw my oldest daughter for the first time. The world closed in around the two of us. I saw her in a tunnel of concentration. I knew she had just made us a family and that she would now be a part of our lives forever. It filled me with both excitement and wonder. The goosebumps were big enough to count. Actually, I think they were big enough to name!

Sunsets give me goosebumps, especially on the West Coast of Florida over the Gulf of Mexico. That could be because that is what I am most familiar with. However, I don't believe that. Usually familiarity causes disinterest over time. The spectacle that Nature provides hundreds of times per year can treat your eyes to the shear beauty of color. On my 1 to 10 goosebump scale, they rate a solid 8.

The moment of discovery gives me goosebumps; my discovery, or recognizing the genius of someone else's discovery. It can be the discovery of a latent talent. It can be the discovery of something believed lost. It can be the continuous discovery that a commitment to life long learning provides.

Walking my daughters "down the aisle" at their weddings gave me goosebumps. Meeting their children, our grand children, for the first time gave me a big case of goosebumps.

Bach's Brandenburg Concerto number 3 and several other pieces of classical music have the power to cause a case of the goosebumps each time I listen to them. The National Anthem when sung or played with feeling and intensity give me goosebumps every time. I love to sing it too.

Recounts of acts of heroism give me goosebumps. They remind me of the best in people. They encourage me to be better and to do better myself.

Of course, the cold and a big scare can cause piloerection (the fancy name for goosebumps) too. However, they rate very low on my goosebump meter.

Here are 10 suggestions to help you have a comprehensive approach to a successful Life.

1. Have a Master Life Plan (MLP). My MLP has 5 parts: A personal mission statement, a hierarchy of my priorities and goals, a statement of personal belief, a set of personal promises, and a commitment to do no harm to yourself, others, or the world.
   
2. Have a systematic approach to performance. Here are eight steps to a process that works well for me: assess, analyze, design, develop, implement, iterate, evaluate, and educate.
   
3. Have a step by step way to identify and solve problems. Ask and answer these 5 questions. What is the problem? What is the cause? What is the solution? What techniques should I use? What will the solution look like?
   
4. Have an effective Stress Management And Relaxation Training program (SMART). The 10 step BREAD formula will serve you well for this. There are five pairs of words, one psychological, and one physiological. Breathing and Beliefs, Relaxation and Relationships, Exercise and Education, Activity and Attitude, Diet and Determination.
   
5. Have a S.A.F.E exercise program. Include Strength, Aerobic and Flexibility Exercises in your routine. Number one however, is to exercise regularly and often. Five times per week for 30 to 45 minutes is a good target. Consider exercise the rent you pay for a healthy mind and body. It is well worth the effort. Be sure to get a physical before you start any program. Then, start light and slow and build up to a full routine over a month or 6 weeks.
   
6. Have a life long learning program. Always have a mental goal that challenges you to improve yourself. Read non-fiction, watch educational videos or attend classes and lectures on topics of interest. Do cross word puzzles. Do word scrambles. Go for both fun and knowledge. "Use it or lose it," especially applies to our brains.
   
7. Have a strong social support network and enjoy interactions with others. This can be family. This can be friends, co-workers, or other volunteers.
   
8. Have a sense of purpose and a reason for living and working.
   
9. Have faith in the Infinite, in whatever form or way you choose.
   
10. Be an optimist and enjoy humor. Optimists live longer, are happier, and are more fun to be around. If you don't think Life has a sense of humor - look at yourself in the mirror for 5 minutes.
    

Life is a continuous series of trade offs between options and alternatives. Recognize and accept this, and most of life's conflicts will recede like an ebbing tide. Fight or deny it, and life becomes a succession of struggles that pits us against everything else.

What do I mean by trade offs? At a minimum, each decision we make, is a binary either/or situation. We decide to get up, or stay in bed. We decide to go to work, stay home, or go somewhere else. We decide to save for retirement, or we don't. We decide to eat a healthy diet and exercise, or we don't. We decide to live a moral life, or we don't. Of course, life is not that simple. Many decisions, affect other decisions, in a cascading way. However, there is no reason to complicate life more than necessary. What are some of the major trade offs in life? And, how do our decisions about them alter or change our experiences? Here are three broad groups to consider.

1. Many trade offs concern the choice between immediate gratification or delayed gratification. Do we want it now? Are we willing to wait in hopes of a bigger pay off or more security or accomplishment later? Do we stay in school and get the degree, or quit now and start earning money? Do we stay in school after the bachelor's degree for an advanced degree? Statistics show a direct correlation between level of education and lifetime earnings. Yes, there are glaring examples that counter this, like professional athletes. However, for most of us more school equals more income and better health. Maintaining our ideal bodyweight, exercising regularly, saving and investing, are all examples in the now or later gratification group. Maintain your ideal bodyweight and exercise regularly and you increase your chances for a longer, healthier life. Increase your savings rate and improve your investment skills and you improve your financial security and independence from the government or family.
2. Career and relationship choices are critical. Do we work for someone or do we become entrepreneurs? Do we get married or do we remain single? If we marry, do we have children or not? These trade offs impact us on several levels. They can bring us monetary success or potential ruin. They can reward us emotionally or depress us. They can give us a feeling of accomplishment or failure.
3. Basic belief systems set our foundational moral and ethical codes. There are many philosophical, religious or spiritual systems to consider. Some call for a belief in an after life, or tell us that this current life experience is all there is. Some hold out the promise for eternal life after death, or tell us that eternity is in each moment and available now.

No one I know makes the correct choice with every decision or trade off. I certainly don't. The happiest or most successful among us might not even get it right half of the time. However, they do know how to recognize when they have made a mistake. And, they know how to correct or reverse the situation. There are many quotes by famous people that tell us, "If you can't find happiness along the way, don't expect to find it at the end of the road." The path we take, the experiences we have, and our feelings of success and happiness will often depend on the trade offs we make. Repeat the trade offs that work for you. Stop making trade offs that cause you pain or disappointment. And, enjoy the journey as you travel through life.

"Begin at once to live," Seneca. What is your first impression of this quote? When I first read it, I thought, "This sounds like another New Age feel good admonition." Then I remembered, Seneca was a Roman dramatist who lived from 3 B.C. to 65 A.D. Actually, I did have to look up his exact dates. This realization brought about an interesting chain of thoughts. If he could live fully, it should be easier for us to do it. Why? Consider these facts.

1. Seneca lived without plumbing, electricity, air conditioning, or refrigeration. Could you do that and live fully each day?
2. Seneca probably walked everywhere; perhaps he rode a horse, or rode in a carriage. There were no cars, buses, trains, or airplanes. He could not travel as far or as fast as we can. Still feel you could live fully?
3. Seneca lived without mass circulation media, no newspapers as we know them. He had no magazines, probably few books, no television, no telephone, no computers, no faxes, and no email. I know many people who long for a simpler world and say they want to go back to "the good old days." However, could you go back as far as Seneca's time?
4. Seneca had a limited diet, little knowledge of the benefits of various types of exercise. Granted, the rigors of daily life would have presented many opportunities not to be sedentary. Since Seneca lived for 68 years, he enjoyed a very long life for his time. How well do you take advantage of the basically unlimited array of healthy foods and the opportunity to exercise according to science?
5. Seneca lived in a time of poor hygiene and a primitive medical system compared to what we have available today. If he had what we have available, do you think this would have allowed Seneca to live more fully? Does it allow you to?
6. Seneca did have some of the same challenges we have today. He had politics to contend with. The Emperor Caligula once suggested that Seneca's health would be better outside of Rome. Seneca took the hint and went into exile until Caligula's death.
7. Seneca did have a sense of purpose. He wrote plays. Several that are still famous and widely read like Agamemnon and Oedipus.
8. Seneca was an intellectual who sought to discuss and answer the major questions of life. These questions are still common to all of us. Why are we born? Where do we come from? What happens after death?

Seneca urges us to live fully now. Not tomorrow, but immediately. We can have glimpses of how he did it through his writings and biographies. We also know that he had few of what we consider necessities. Aren't many of them luxuries beyond the imagination of the greatest thinkers who lived 20 centuries ago?

How alive are you right now? How involved in the present are you? How focused are you on your goals? How much responsibility do you take for your current situation? How much do you feel others are responsible for? Think seriously about the difference between life in ancient Rome and your life today? Is there anything that you are thankful for? Are there other parts of your life you should be thankful for?

During the last 34 years as an entrepreneur, I have often written notes to myself. Some of them are notes as reminders. Some are notes as suggestions or guidelines. I even have a few that are notes as admonitions.

Here are several notes whose importance and effectiveness for me, have remained for years.

1. "Have no more confidence in the judgment than you do in the judge." If you do not trust or respect the source, do not place much or any importance on the statement or idea.
2. "The happier you are with simpler things, the simpler it is to be happy." Sunsets are free. Don't complicate happiness. It is an internal, not external, process.
3. A corollary to number two is: "Remember to find happiness in the little things in life." I keep a photo of a thimble full of tiny flowers in my office.
4. "QTIP, quit taking it personally." Since I first wrote this in 1989, it has helped me to keep perspective. The traffic light didn’t turn red to make you late or mad. It just turned red like it does every 30 seconds.
5. "Enthusiasm is gratitude for life in action." Act alive. Be energetic. Have reasons to enjoy today and look forward to tomorrow.
6. "If in doubt smile. That will keep them wondering while you figure out what to do." Think, then act or speak.
7. "What you do speaks so loudly, I often can't hear what you say." This is my personalized version of actions speak louder than words. Align what you think, feel, say and do.
8. "If you have trouble remembering how to have fun and play, watch a child. If you are still not sure, join them." There is joy in simplicity and innocence.
9. "What are you doing with all the time you save using time saving devices?" Unfortunately, the answer too often is more. Remember to save half of the time you ever save for yourself.
10. "Don't play checkers in the chess game of life." Look at all the options and angles, not just the few easy or convenient ones. Much of life comes in layers, be sure to look below the surface for ideas and clues.
11. "Find solutions for your clients and not clients for your solutions." This is the fastest and least expensive route to success.
12. "If you always travel in your comfort zone, you'll probably never arrive at success." Learning and growing as a person involves risks.
13. "Develop eyes for opportunity. Certainly consider alternatives, but dwell on the rewards of success." Look everywhere for ideas. Don't limit your options.
14. "Be a contrarian; Sprint the curves and walk the straight-aways." If you act like everyone else, you will be like everyone else. Dare to be different.
15. "Touch it once. Do it now. Do it right the first time." Balance your check book the day the statement arrives. Make that important, but perhaps unpleasant, call now.
16. "Faith is confident action taken in the face of adversity." If you still believe in your process and plan, persist.
17. "It was back about the middle of June. The stars were drained to fill the moon. The lakes at night were covered with glass. The wind was invited, but said "I'll pass." Use both sides of your brain. I work with numbers and I enjoy music. I work with logic and write children's poetry. Seek balance.

Did any of these make an impression on you? Do you think any can help you achieve more or help you remember your goals or commitments? Good, I hoped they would.

What expectations, preconceptions, opinions, ideas, and/or judgments do you have for yourself, for your family, your co-workers, society, or the government? Are those expectations realistic, fair, and attainable? Also, why do you have these particular expectations? What is your basis for having them? Did you develop these expectations, or are they, the expectations you inherited, accepted, or agreed to? Have you ever actually thought about your expectations from a fairness, realistic, and attainable perspective?

I ask these questions about expectations because I have found in my interactions with others, that everyone has expectations. However, very few of us ever question why we have them, where they came from and whether or not they are functional. I believe many of our expectations are non functional and the product of someone else's thinking. And, they are often, neither fair, realistic, nor justifiable. Why do I feel this way?

1. When we examine our expectations, we will find that many are very old. Expectations we had when we were young that we continue to hold today. Why? Perhaps we still believe in them. Or, we hope the expectation is true and worthy? Maybe we just haven't questioned it in a long time. Maybe we feel pressure to hold the expectation.
2. Many expectations, when analyzed, reveal that they were once appropriate but not any longer. Why? We've grown, and our relationships have changed. The world is different. We are different. Some expectations we had when young, no longer appeal to us. Perhaps you once wanted a red sports car, but now smile at even the idea of it.
3. Some of our expectations are arbitrary or situational. We feel one way in certain circumstances and another when the situation changes. Anger and frustration often reveal the situational nature of some of our expectations. While frustrated we could question the value of the experience. Later when calm, we might even look back on the event as a worthy challenge like a difficult puzzle.
4. Also, some of our expectations are unequal and inequitable. We expect one person or group to act in one way. While at the same time, we expect or even demand that another group hold themselves to a different set of standards. At the least, this is unfair. At the worst, it is hypocrisy. This usually happens when the other group or person is very different from us. We don't fully understand their actions, so we want them to act like us, so we feel more comfortable.
5. Some expectations are unrealistic or unattainable. When we have expectations like this, we set ourselves and others up for failure. These expectations fall into the non functional group and waste time, energy, effort, resources, and emotions. Losing weight is a slow process. If we expect to lose 20 pounds in a month, this is unrealistic and sets us up for disappointment.
6. Some of our expectations are either inconsistent or counter productive. Perhaps it is our application of the expectation that is inconsistent. This would put those expectations into the arbitrary section. However, sometimes our expectations can have internal inconsistency. We expect to have positive results, but continue to display negative behavior.

So, how do we generate functional expectations? Go through this list of ways we could have improper expectations and compare it to your expectations. Look at the seven major areas of Life: spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, financial, social, and family. Each of us has expectations in each of these areas. How do they align for consistency, fairness, etc? I believe the more consistent they are, the happier and more successful you are. Am I right?

"I would never have made my success in life, if I had not bestowed upon the least thing I have undertaken, the same attention and care I have bestowed upon the greatest," Charles Dickens. Do you have that degree of focus and attention to detail? I know that I don't all the time. However, I agree with the goal of this statement. And, I recognize that when I have had success, attention to all parts and details, played an important role. How can we train ourselves to match Dickens' intensity? Here are 5 suggestions.

1. Make each activity important to you. When we admit that something is important to us, we usually pay more attention to it. Don't we? How can we make everything important? We exchange time, energy and resources on everything that we do, correct? If so, that means we exchange part of our life for each activity and isn't our life important to us? Someone might say that is "back door logic." I don't agree. How can we value one hour of our life above or below another? If you think it is easy, perhaps look at some of the activities you engage in.
2. Keep track of the actual details of each situation or activity. It takes some common sense to follow this suggestion. Work to find a balance between your memory and your notes. If we rely too heavily on our memory, we will probably forget or remember something incorrectly. If we take too many notes, we will spend too much time writing and finding those notes. The idea is to keep track of critical parts and points. Check lists can be one technique for this idea.
3. Keep a log of progress, like a diary. Again, like suggestion two, use the log as a reminder, a memory jog and a list of parts both completed and left to do. A daily calendar works well for me. I put in major activities, milestones, and ideas on the date. This technique makes it easy to see the time line for a project.
4. For critically important details, use props, cues, and reminders. Remember seeing the cartoon of a person with a string tied around their finger to remind them of something? It could work if the association between the string and what it was there for is strong enough. I've found if I put my keys on the most important item I must remember to take with me, it works well. Setting an alarm, posting a note on your computer screen, or at a door you must go through are ideas to consider. Don't allow yourself to become dependent on your cues and reminders. This is counter productive.
5. Cultivate an active interest in what you do. This is similar to suggestion one about importance. In each area of life, find reasons to care, reasons to increase your knowledge about the area. Simply have an interest in the subject or don't do it. When there is something you don’t want to do, but must do, find a way to make it interesting or recognize it as a necessary step between where you are and where you want to be, and do it. Be interested. Be aware, focused and involved. This is the natural way to take care of details. When we enjoy what we do, we pay attention. And when we pay attention, we notice and enjoy the details without effort.

What ideas can you add to these five? Be specific. What else can you do to help yourself pay equal attention to both the big and small details in life?

"You need to help me calm down," said recently turned four, Christopher to teacher Sara, after an unsettling experience. "How do I do that Chris?" Teacher Sara replied. "Give me a hug please," Chris asked. "I can do that Chris," teacher Sara said as she hugged him. "There, I'm better now," Chris smiled and sighed. When my daughter told me of my grandson's exchange with his preschool teacher, at first I laughed. Then I thought about how perceptive he was. He recognized his emotional state. And, he knew how to restore equilibrium.

While acknowledging this is not a new topic, here are seven ways that I have learned from children.

1. They prove my quote that, “The happier you are with simple things, the simpler it is to be happy." I once duct taped several different sized empty plastic and metal jugs and cans together. I put wads of duct tape on the ends of two short pieces of quarter inch doweling. Children have played drums on them to their sheer joy. And, sometimes, to my wife's distraction.
2. Children care about pain and feelings. They will ask if something hurts. They will kiss a bruise to make it better. They will say, "That’s all right," as they caringly pat you.
3. Children are creative when given ideas, props, time, space, and freedom from criticism. They do not have to "think outside the box," because they have no box unless we place them into one.
4. Children understand more, earlier than most adults ever give them credit for. I hear adults talk to children using language well below their comprehension levels. If you speak to children directly, in a normal voice, they will surprise you with their understanding and comprehension. Our six year old grandson just helped his mother pick out a new vacuum cleaner. He gave her his reasons to buy a particular model over another. His mother consulted a popular consumer magazine for guidance in selecting the new cleaner. The magazine suggested the model her son had picked, and for the same reasons.
5. Children can sense joy and safety. They can also sense deception and fear. Linguists suggest that less than 10% of all communication is verbal. The other 90% comes from body language, facial expressions, and body relaxation or tension. Children pick up cues from many sources.
6. Children can and will love others unconditionally. Given a safe, understanding, supportive and encouraging environment, children will respond positively without prompting.
7. Children have potential that requires regular guidance and direction to develop fully. This is not a contradiction to previous statements. This is not a suggestion to control, dominate or micro manage. It is a call for vigilant monitoring and adjusting, based on behavior patterns and tendencies. Be careful with what your children see and hear. Yes, they do understand and learn from what you expose them to. Make sure it is a positive learning.

Now look at these seven observations again. Replace the word children with adults. Why do we suddenly think the situation is different? Habits, conditionings, and expectations can explain parts of it. I think the major part is we quit believing in ourselves and others. We quit thinking it is possible for us to be creative or caring. It isn't true. Look at yourself and your opinions again. You are probably, much better than you believe. So are those with whom you associate. Watch children for a day, and then apply what you learn to yourself. I think you'll be a better person because you did.

Let's play, "sentence completion." I will write a beginning sentence stem and you complete the sentence. Your answers might show you more about you, your beliefs and your expectations than you imagine. I have often found this exercise fun, revealing and a good way to clarify my position on a subject.

1. If I could, I would... Remember there are no rules or restrictions. Just finish the sentence however you want to. You will often find, that you could complete any particular sentence stem in several ways. Complete each stem as often as you like. I'll fill in a few completions on this first stem to help you get started.
   If I could, I would help everyone learn critical thinking skills.
   If I could, I would have both of my daughters living closer to us.
   If I could, I would solve the world's dependency on fossil fuels.
   Now that you have an example, here are a few more sentence stems for you to complete.
2. The last time I felt truly relaxed was...
3. My strongest qualities are...
4. If someone doesn't like me, it is probably because...
5. If I knew I only had one week to live I would spend it...
6. When it comes to money, I am...
7. My biggest contribution to society is...
8. Within 5 years I hope to...
9. I wish I could better understand....
10. My biggest personal challenge is...

I think you will find this exercise both informative and fun. Try to complete each stem at least twice, three is better. Once you have finished the stem completions, re-read them several times. Do you see a pattern to your answers? Do you see a positive attitude or has pessimism crept into your completions? How many of your completions do you feel are realistic? How many are fanciful?

Finally, look at your completions again and ask yourself, "Do I really believe this? Would I actually like to have that happen or have that experience?" Then wonder, why can't you have some of what you've written about? Is everything "out of reach?" Probably not. Pick two or three of your completions that intrigue or interest you the most. Can you believe that you could actually reach that goal or experience that change?

Why not think big and think more positively than you normally do? Complete this sentence stem that personal coach Brian Tracy often asks, "What one great thing would you dare to do if you knew you could not fail?" Brian asks this of his audiences and readers. Then, he exhorts them to find a way to accomplish their ideal dream. He encourages everyone to believe that we cannot fail if we develop a systematic plan and then refuse to quit until we reach our goal.

Now that you are familiar with sentence stem completion, I suggest you use it regularly to help you clarify your goals. You can also use it to uncover subtle points of strength and resistance in your thinking and beliefs. This can be a powerful tool in your quest for personal growth, improvement and success.

"Gratitude does not have an expiration date." This just came out of me when someone I know asked why I continued a traditional gift on his birthday, long after we'd stopped doing business together. Since, I continue to garner benefits from the ideas and efforts that others shared with me in the past, I asked him, how could I justify no longer being grateful? I tried once, but I could not set a time limit on thankfulness.

I believe you might feel the same. We just don't often remember specific times in grateful terms. Did you have a good kindergarten teacher? I don't think I ever heard anyone say they had a bad one. Aren't you still grateful for whatever that teacher taught you? For many of us, kindergarten was our first introduction to formal learning. And, who wasn't grateful for the cookies, milk, and a nap?

Feeling gratitude toward others, and even life in general, has a positive effect on me. It makes me feel connected to others. It makes me feel a responsibility to share and contribute as a payback for what others have done for me. Gratitude is also a humbling experience. Seen correctly, it shows us that we are often dependent on others for the knowledge and skills we have.

Expressing gratitude properly can be a challenge. We don't want to appear over enthusiastic. We don't want to arouse suspicion of ulterior motives. We certainly don't want to neglect the opportunity to share with others some of the prosperity their efforts or ideas has helped to create. Here are 5 suggestions on times and ways to show gratitude.

1. Are you grateful for the education you have received? If so, consider contributing to or endowing a scholarship at those schools or institutions that you feel helped you become what you are today.
2. Are you grateful to a coach, dance teacher, or music instructor? Consider volunteering or supporting the sport or arts of you choice? Time spent helping is often as valuable as, or more so, than a cash contribution.
3. Are you grateful to your parents, a relative, a mentor, or other major person in your life? When was the last time you told them how glad you are that they are in your life? If the person is dead, tell them mentally. And, if possible, is there a way you can set up a legacy for that person? Can you remember the top 10 or 15 bits of advice they gave you? Print them up and distribute them. See if you can write an article about that person’s impact on your life and try to publish it.
4. Are you grateful for a Church or Civic Organization in your life? How do you choose and how often do you choose to show gratitude to it? Attendance, volunteering, financial assistance, mentoring, or teaching a class are all options.
5. Like me, do you have contacts in your life that have helped you prosper in your occupation or service you render? Do you continue to remember them and thank them even after your dealings with them are done? Do it because of what they've allowed you to accomplish, not just because you think there is a chance they will work with you again or might be a good reference.

"Have an attitude of gratitude." I heard and read that many times. It is one of those platitudes that is easy to say and its internal rhyme makes it lyrical. However, it does carry a strong and important message. Another saying I like that suggests gratitude is a Chinese Proverb: when eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them. I am very glad we have farmers aren't you?

A list for everything and everything on a list! Looking back over my 34 years as an entrepreneur, I've gleaned lessons from many sources. Some from other people. Some from situations. Many from trial and error. Here are 10 steps I believe someone can take that will help them to be successful.

1. Read ten pages a day that will help you improve yourself in some way. This adds up to 3600 pages a year. I gave you five days off for good behavior. This is the equivalent of ten, 360 page books each year. If you read executive type book summaries, you could read nearly one book per day.
2. Be at peace, with at least yourself. Don't become so comfortable that you quit taking calculated risks. However, if you are positive about yourself, your career and the others in your life, you will have more energy.
3. Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise at least five times per week for 45 minutes. Take personal relaxation time daily; 30 minutes or more.
4. Learn to delegate when you can. Delegation, to me, is the most efficient time management tool there is. If you can effectively get others to help you, you can multiply your efforts.
5. Persist. No matter what you face, decide to continue. Certainly review your plans to be certain they still make sense. Revise your plans when solid evidence shows it necessary. Don't allow anything to keep you from reaching your goals. Setbacks are painful and frustrating; however, don't allow them to be fatal.
6. Have a sense of humor. Laugh with others, not at others. Enjoy a proper joke. Share especially funny events with your family, friends, and associates. Don't send indiscriminate letters, faxes, or emails.
7. Have role models. Find people who you admire and emulate their process and practices. Ask them to mentor you if it is possible. If you ask for help, follow the advice given before asking for more. Prove your willingness and sincerity through actions taken, not words spoken.
8. Learn the difference between making a living and making money. When we make a living, we have enough money to cover our basic needs and hopefully a little more. When we make money, we generate enough income to save and invest. It is often how much we spend, more than how much we make that determines if we make money or just a living. At a point, money saved and invested becomes capital that works for you every hour of every day.
9. Learn to delay gratification. Work to save money for major purchases before making them. Ideally, pay cash as you go, eventually, even for your home. The real cost of what we buy on credit is the sales, price plus the interest, plus the lost investment opportunities. If you buy anything for status, seriously consider getting help with your understanding of finances.
10. Share your resources with others. Share your time, talents, energy, and money with others. Share them with your family. Share them with your friends. Share them with your associates. Share them with your community and by extension the world. Sharing shows that we have confidence there is enough to go around. There is enough to go beyond our needs, to the needs of others. This confidence has always helped me to prosper, even in times of recession.

My assistant, Stacy, left me a note. "We need to have McClatchy article #284 ready to email by September 11, unless you want to skip it and go with #285." Normally, a note like that would be nothing unusual. I'd put it in front of my computer screen and respond later. The date she placed on this note, September 11, immediately caught my eye and caused an emotional reaction.

What do you think of when you hear either September 11, or see it written 9-11? Do you have any reaction at all? If you do, what type of a reaction is it? Is it anger or sadness? Is it confusion or frustration? Is it a feeling of helplessness? Is it indifference? Is it a combination of both or does it depend on the context?

I have an array of thoughts and feelings when I see or hear that date. Here are my personal ideas about it. I do this as a cathartic experience. I have high emotions now as I write. Emotions stirred by the images and thoughts I had on September 11, 2001.

1. I was at my computer writing an article when my daughter in California called and said, "Dad something strange just happened. A plane just hit one of the twin towers in New York and you can see it hanging out the building on fire." After she told me it was a large commercial plane, I suggested the idea of terrorism. We both hoped it wasn't that. She hung up but called me back just minutes later. "Dad, another plane hit the other tower." We both knew then that America was under siege by a then unknown assailant. My mind turned to logic and wondered about various causes.
2. As the day progressed we found out two more planes had struck. One hit its target in Washington D.C. - the Pentagon. The other, through efforts of its passengers crashed in a Pennsylvania field. Every media outlet ran constant images of panic, destruction and uncertainty. My mind silently thanked the passengers of flight 93 for their heroism. The world learned its likely target was either the White House or the Capital Building.
3. Mayor Giuliani and President Bush stepped forward and met the challenges they faced as leaders, and we faced as Americans. I felt confident that we as a Nation would survive this and recover. I felt deep sadness for the families directly involved. I hoped that Mayor Giuliani’s death toll prediction was wrong. Thankfully, over time, it did prove to be much lower than feared.
4. As we discovered who the perpetrators were, I again felt sadness about the hatred that sometimes poisons the world. I did not feel hatred. I wondered if the competing ideologies could ever reconcile their differences. Or, at least, could they find a way to co-exist. Because of the extremists on both sides, I did not hold much hope for a near term solution. Given what has happened since, I still feel that way.
5. Before September 11, 2001 I had become callous about the heroic deeds of others. Witnessing the actions of many involved in the rescue efforts then and the anti terrorism efforts since, I again believe in heroes. Their actions have caused me to work to improve myself, and to improve the service that I give to others.

These are my personal reactions to September 11, 2001. Did you experience any of the same feelings I did? What other feelings and reactions did you have? If yours are especially strong, or overwhelming, perhaps find a trusted friend or mental health professional to discuss them with.

In closing, I am an American who is less free than before September 11, 2001. However, I believe the future will be safer and we will be stronger, because of how we have dealt with that event, since then.

"People in the West are always getting ready to live," Chinese Proverb. Do you resemble that remark? I know that I am guilty as charged too often. I believe the point of the quote is: if we spend all our time becoming, hoping for a payoff in the future, we fail to appreciate the present fully. Do you agree?

There is an alternate view of the quote also. The present is the time we have. It is our life. It is when we can act and do. The past is over. The future is uncertain. Now is the currency of life. These interpretations of the quote interact. If we believe the future will be better, for whatever reason, we will focus our attention on it. However, how will the future improve if we don't make an effort now, to change our current situation? And, if we dwell on the events of the past, good or bad, that ruminating can stifle our present efforts and planning. If we feel that the best is behind us, that condemns us to a lesser future.

The key to this past, present, and future dilemma is balance and perspective. Here are 9 ideas for you to consider.

1. Admit that the present moment, is the one we have available for thinking, planning, and doing.
2. Recognize that even when you think about the past or wonder about the future, you do it in the present, available moment.
3. Look at the past as a series of photographs, some old, some new, some clear and bright, and some faded and worn.
4. Look at the future as rolls of film with potential to capture a nearly infinite array of new images and experiences.
5. Look at the present as your assignment as a photographer. Every time you blink your eyes, you capture another image from the present, which was yesterday's future and will be tomorrow's past.
6. Take regular times in the present, to remember your past. What are your favorite memories? What are some memories that you would like to forget? You might not be able to forget them completely, but you can work to desensitize yourself to their emotional impact. What can you learn from the past? What mistakes did you make that you do not want to repeat? What are your greatest past accomplishments that you want to repeat?
7. Take regular times in the present to think and plan for your future. This is not a contradiction. Our future normally, is an extension of the results of our current actions. If you plan for the future that you want to experience, and then work in the present on fulfilling that plan, you increase your chances of having the future you desire.
8. Live in the present. Be aware of your current tasks, duties and opportunities. Give full attention, effort, energy and resources to right now. Remember, Yogananda's quote, "Live this present moment completely, and the future will take care of itself."
9. Enjoy life one moment, one event, and one day at a time. Actively look at and for the good in your life each day. If you find parts that are not good, work to find ways to make them better. If you can't make a situation better, can you change your attitude about it? "If you can't do what you love, learn to love what you do." I don't remember who said that, however, it has held true for me for many years.

Now what do you think? Do you continually prepare to live or do you live and prepare?

What if there was a fire at your home or office, and you had a total loss? How would it affect you? How would you respond? What would you do? These are difficult questions. There will be as many different answers as there are readers of this article.

Our family suffered a total loss of the home we built on a farm we owned. It was robbery and arson. How did we know? The investigating Sheriff's Deputy told us the obvious. We had no skeletons as he called them. There were no burned out frames from our steel refrigerator, washer, dryer, vacuum, or music stand. People had broken in, stolen major valuable items, and then set the home on fire. It was an all wood home. It burned completely. My wife, two daughters and I discovered it, still smoldering. We had driven up to the farm to deliver a new lamp we'd purchased that day.

Disbelief, sadness, and despondency were the first emotions we experienced together. As I write, I can vividly recall the scene and the emotions. I had moved my entire library of more than 1,000 books to the farm. Our youngest daughter had kept her complete collection of exotic stuffed toy animals there. We lost it all.

Here are some lessons learned and suggestions from our fire experience.

1. There was no loss of life from this fire, only physical property. We quickly realized, as a family, we still had each other. That was singularly most important. In the face of loss we counted our blessings.
2. We had insurance coverage but it proved to be well below the true value of the home and its contents. Check your coverage annually. Discuss the coverage with your insurance agent to be sure you keep up with current costs. Especially check your contents coverage.
3. Video your home, or homes, and office. We had taken pictures of each room of the farmhouse. This helped with our insurance claim. However, pictures cannot take the place of a slow, total video view of the structure. As you film each room or area speak in a clear voice. Describe every item you see down to the smallest part. If you remember where you purchased the item, mention that. If you know how much the item cost, detail that. There is no item to small. There is no detail to insignificant. When you have to list page after page of items for reimbursement from the insurance company you will understand the wisdom of this suggestion. Keep your video and pictures away from the home or office, in your safety deposit box at your bank.
4. Realize, you still have memories of the place and its contents. Dwell on the positive points and times you remember. Nothing will bring back the place exactly as it was. Nothing will give you back all your former belongings. It is a choice. Which attitude will you carry forward with you? Will it be a loss that taints your ability to enjoy the present? Or, will it be gratitude for the time you did have and anticipation for what new experiences the future will hold?
5. Consider whether or not to rebuild or move on? We rebuilt the farm house. However, the memory of the fire and the loss of the sense of security weighed on us for two years. No one enjoyed the property as much after the fire. We eventually sold it and moved on to another phase for the family.
6. If anyone intimately involved with the fire experience has lingering psychological challenges, seek help for them. Competent counselors, clergy, or friends can help us deal with major loss.

What is my point? Prepare for the worst, a fire. Have an escape plan if the fire occurs while you are home. Have a detailed video, with exacting descriptions of your property, in a fire proof place off site. Why did I write this article? A long time employee at our office just got a call from his good friend. His home burned last night, a total loss, and didn't know where or how to start the recovery process.

"I can afford it." What does that mean to you? Whether on a personal, professional or organizational level, how you answer probably has strong implications about your financial future.

Does it mean you can pay cash for a purchase? Does it mean, given your current income and debt load you can make the payments? Does it mean, all facets considered, you feel comfortable with the responsibilities a particular acquisition involves? Does it depend? Maybe, all of the above apply at some time under certain situations?

Based on the answers from those to whom I've posed the question, it definitely depends. It depends on the person, the purchase, and the situation. It depends on the person's perceptions of their job and income security. It depends on their perception of the overall economy. For some, it depends on their age. For many, it depends on their attitudes towards retirement. For too many I believe, it depends on how much they want something.

Here are some questions to answer. They should help you discover what, "I can afford it," actually means for you.

1. How often do you worry about money matters?
2. Do you have a financial, "rainy day fund," to help you deal with an unexpected financial situation? If you don't, can you begin to build up at least a six month reserve fund from your current income stream? A year's worth of savings is better. These funds should be independent of investment funds.
3. Do you pay cash for vacations, or do you put them on credit cards or take out a loan and pay it back over time? Do you pay cash for your Christmas/Holiday Season gifts? Do you pay off your credit cards each month, or do you make the minimum payments?
4. How often do you buy something for yourself because you feel you deserve it? Do you pay cash or does it take you several months to pay for it?
5. Regardless of your age, if you work, have you started saving for retirement? At your current rate of savings and current rates of return, how much will you have at age 67?
6. Do you know the difference between making a living and making money? Making a living allows you to pay your bills. Making money allows you to accumulate wealth if properly deployed.
7. Do you educate yourself on a regular, at least monthly basis, on current economic conditions and how to invest money?

This is just a starter set of questions. If you have difficulty with any of them it might show there are holes in your concept of what you can or can't afford. A major problem that affects many people is the inability to delay gratification. They want it now. Another impediment to financial solvency can be little treats and habits. Gourmet coffee at $5 per cup is common. I have heard people say how they cannot imagine getting along without their daily indulgence. They speak of it in referential terms. Is it worth $1250 per year?

The money we earn, in many ways, is our life and energy in a convenient form: currency. I suggest that we look at money that way. Then, ask ourselves if what we are about to spend our money on, is worth a part of our life. If we do, we might begin to regard our money as more valuable than we do now. I ask again. What does, "I can afford it,” mean to you?

Where are your pockets of relative ignorance? Where do you have knowledge or information gaps in your personal education? How dangerous or destructive are these gaps?

First, I'm not picking on you. Realizing my personal pockets of ignorance, motivated me to write this article. It takes an active commitment to continuous learning to both keep up with change and fill in long neglected gaps. It could be a depressing realization for those who do not enjoy learning. For those who do enjoy it, it is an opportunity to stretch the gray matter in our brain, and learn exciting and useful information.

My pockets of ignorance fell into se